This is San Francisco Giants’ outfielder Cody Ross. Cody is fierce, enjoys bubblegum and, with Uncorked for a Cause, is releasing his own WINE this year. OH YEAH, you think you can handle Cody Ross? Well, Cody Ross is Boss, so that will probably not happen. One time, Jimmy Fallon said he looked like a Chuckie doll who found Jesus. His dad was a professional bull rider. SO HE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS. When he was little, he wanted to be a Rodeo Clown. He is married to this chick named Summer and they have ADORABLE children. I bet your ugly ass can’t make adorable children like Cody’s can. His son is Hudson Ross. Hudson Ross is a bad ass baseball player. Just like his dad. He is only, like, four. CAN YOU SAY THAT? THAT YOUR DAD WAS A BULLRIDER AND YOUR SON IS ALREADY BETTER THAN EVERYONE ON THE PHILLIES?
This classy, suave motherfucker is from New Mexico, so you know he’s the real deal. We signed him last year (fuck that person who said I couldn’t refer to the Giants as “we”) toward the end of the regular season and he was like, MVP right away and shit. SO AWESOME. Cody likes practical jokes, long walks on the beach and screwing with Aubrey Huff’s mind. Whenever you see him, he is chewing bubble gum and grinning.
His batting stance is also AMAZING, because he acts like he is a very long and immovable stick in the batter’s box. Watch him bat. Tell me if he ever curves his body in any way.
And this mother fucker is so fly, like, everyone, including your grandma, wants to be him. Yes, he is amazing. He’s had a little slump this year, but he’s finding his way back. AND THE MOTHER FUCKER HAS HIS OWN WINE.
DID I MENTION HIS DAD WAS A PROFESSIONAL BULL RIDER? DAMN THIS GUY IS COOL.
GUESS WHAT ELSE? HIS NAME BACKWARDS IS SSORY DOC!!!!